Mistletoe
by Winnifred Daquer
Summary: I WAS NOT IN MY RIGHT MIND! Slash!A/Uish. What happens when you spike the eggnogg at a christmas party? Utter Crack. Megs/OC, OP/Scorp, Cade/Bee, Hide/Star, Maggie/Devastator, Frenzy/Keller, Ratchet/Simmons, Wave/Jazz.Reviews are welcome, but only da nice
1. Chapter 1

This is what happens when you drink and eat things you really shouldn't before bed!

~*~

Mistletoe

~*~

Winnifred giggled as he and Megatron sat on a couch, the human boy's giggles outrageously loud and girlish as he collapsed against his mate. Around them the other autobots were in not much better state. Optimus was flirting rather loudly with Scorponk, the younger transformer giggling in a way to rival Winnifred's. Starscream, being unable to hold his alcohol well, had been the first to go, while Ironhide, who held it best, was allowing the drunken seeker to give him a lap dance.

The sight was amusing to say the least, and half the occupants of the room were watching the show, Barricade and Devastator particularly interested in their commander's second.

Bumlebee giggled and walked over to Barricade.

"Hey hot stuff, how about a little bit of loving?" Bee giggled as he draped himself over the shock trooper's side, smirking at the eyes dropping directly to his ass.

"Your batcave or mine?" Barricade asked, as he stood, slurring his words as he draped an arm around the blonde's waist to grab firmly onto the ass he ahd been staring at before.

Megatron returned his gaze to Starscream and Ironhide and was mentally scarred from the image he saw.

"GET A ROOM!" He shouted, turning his face away from the sight of Starscream attempting to devour Ironhide's face as he continued to rock his body against the larger mech's.

Ratchet and Agent Simmons were getting a bit more friendly with each other, Ratchet finally getting them to leave to 'look over some data pads that needed some attention'.

Megatron highly doubted that data pads were what the CMO had in mind…

Maggie was talking with Devastator, the blonde Australian giggling as the trooper showing her the numerous tattoos he had gotten in his time on earth as a human.

Frenzy… Megatron laughed, wondering if Frenzy realized that he was currently making out with the Secretary of Defense.

Megatron cast Optimus a death glare as the autobot led Scorponk out of the room towards where they slept together.

"Hey, Megsy…" Winnifred slurred, leaning over to whisper in the decepticon's ear drunkenly. "Wanna go have some real fun, Lovey?" Megatron grinned and pulled his mate to him in a searing kiss as answer, standing and going towards the door.

They were stopped in their amourous route towards their rooms by a strange noise coming from one of the offices.

"Ooohh… Ah-ha! Wave!"

"Jazz… Mmm… Jaaaaazzzzzzz…" Soundwave's unmistakable voice groaned as Jazz let out a high squeal. "God, you're a bitch." Soundwave murmured and Jazz laughed before being cut off by a loud moan.

"Ride 'em cowboy…" Jazz moaned, the sound of something very heavy slamming into a desk and Megatron and Winnifred pulled away at a dirty suggestion from Soundwave, the two bondmate's staring at each other.

"I have been mentally scarred." Winnifred stated, cursing his sensitive sense of hearing. Even with his eyesight returned, he often closed his eyes and relied completely on his other senses once again.

Old habits die hard. And Winnifred was cursing his hearing as Soundwave made another vulgar comment to Jazz.

"Well, seeing as there's trend here…" Megatron grabbed Winnifred and dragged him into an office, causing the smaller male to squeal in delight and giggle uproariously.

*


	2. Chapter 2

Ironhide wasn't easily intoxicated, and apparently Starscream couldn't hold is alcohol. Starscream was giggling like a madman as he walked over to Ironhide. It wasn't that Star wasn't attractive, on the contrary, Starscream took the most care of his looks than anyone else, his red hair always impeccably styled and cleaned, his clothes always perfectly fashionable and expensive looking. Currently the red head was dressed in what Ironhide recognize as a woman's red tank-top and black pants. The look was feminine and Starscream looked the part of Decepticon whore. Ironhide couldn't help it, even though he could hold his alcohol, he was still slightly intoxicated and his eyes were wandering. An obvious sway to the seeker's hips drew attention to them, wanted or not.

"Hey baby, why don't you show me how well that cab of yours holds." Ironhide raised his eyebrows as Starscream rubbed his shoulders, the decepticon moaning as he pressed his body against Ironhide's back, rubbing and stroking his legs over Hide's side.

"Screamer?"

"mmnh?" Starscream moaned as he leaned down to lick and nip at the larger man's ear, his tongue tracing over the lobe before his lips found the man's jaw.

"What are you- you're drunk." Ironhide lifted a hand to bat the seeker away, but Starscream only grabbed the hand and began to lick the strong, thick fingers.

"I'm not drunk…" But the giggle in Starscream's voice betrayed as much. Starscream's body was swaying to the pulsing music around them, Ironhide feeling the friction of bodied together and feeling himself getting aroused despite himself.

Suddenly, Ironhide found himself with a lap full of Starscream, the smaller male making noises of pleasure as he curled his hands into Hide's lack hair, stroking the silver streaks as he did so. Hide wasn't the sightliest of men, with his silver streaked black hair, dark brown eyes and pale, scarred skin, but that was part of the old Ironhide charm. Starscream purred as he slid his hands over every part of Hide he could reach from the other man's lap, still rocking his hips over the other male's.

"Screamer, I don't think you should- mph…" Hide was silenced by Starscream kissing him the seeker thrusting his tongue into the older man's mouth. Any dignity or sense of self-control that Hide might have had was instantly killed as his arms wrapped around the slim body in his lap, his hands groping everything he could reach, most persistently that toned ass in those tight pants…

"GET A ROOM!" Megatron shouted and Hide thought that was a good idea, he didn't fancy screwing the ex-decepticon in a public place.

*

Once they were in Ironhide's rooms and the doors were locked, Starscream went on from a lapdance to a strip-tease Ironhide grinned, feeling old and perverted as Star stood, hands on his hips as he smirked at Hide.

"Now… What goes first?" he fingered the flashy gold scarf around his waist, sliding it off and wrapping it around Hide's neck. Hide tried to pull away, but the hand trailing down his forearm made him shudder with pleasure. Hands grabbed at Starscream's hips and Hide thought only two things at the moment.

I am so going to Hell for this.

And…

FUCK THE LITTLE WHORE NOW!

Starscream moaned as his pants were slid down his hips and legs, before being stopped by the red heels Starscream had donned for the party. Hide growled as he flipped the seeker over onto the bed sliding his hands up to remove the red shirt, feeling the toned muscle as he did so.

"Mmmnn… I've been waiting for this for months…" Star purred into Hide's ear, causing the larger male to still his motions.

"What are ya talkin' about?"

"I'm talking about I've wanted you for months…" Star purred, flipping the larger male onto his back as his fingers peeled the black dress shirt off of Hide's muscular body.

"What? Why would ya want an old yahoo like me?"

"Because I've always liked guys with big… strong arms…" Star emphasized this fact by stroking his hands over the bulky arms. "Shockwave wasn't nearly as hot as you…" Starscream purred, Ironhide blinking in confusion.

"You and… Shockwave?"

"Hmm… I'm not the Decepticon whore for nothing, Hide…" Star sat up, tilting his head to expose the flesh of his pale throat to the autobot. "I know the good catches when I see them…"

Hide moaned as Star rocked his hips against the WS', leaning down to capture his lips in a searing kiss.

"Hmmm… Star…" Hide licked at the full lower lip of Star's mouth, causing a soft whimper.

Hands slid over bodies as the very human sensation of sweat slicked bodies rubbing together as they rolled across the bed, switching positions every so often as the night wore on. Hide finally couldn't take it anymore, his body suddenly slamming against Starscream's, forcing himself into the younger man.

"AAHHHH!" Starscream lived up to his name, bucking and clawing at Ironhide's body as the larger mech eased the rest of his length into the smaller, Starscream writhing and gasping as his hips bucked onto Hide's forcefully.

Hide grunted as he began a slow, steady pace, leaning down to pant against Star's neck and kiss his face gently.

"Star…" Starscream hummed as he wrapped his legs even tighter around Hide's waist, rocking their hips together. "Primus STARSCREAM!"

"IRONHIDE!" Star shrieked, grabbing Hide's shoulders as they came, before everything went lack.

*

Hide awoke to a leg sliding over his, the slim foot stroking up his calf. An equally soft hand moved to stroke over his chest, making him turn to look at his bedmate.

"You scream very nicely, Hide…" Starscream whispered, smirking as he stretched, standing up and getting redressed. "Mmm… But you're right, you are an old Yahoo."

"You- you…"

"I'm surprised you fell for the old drunk act." Starscream gave a cruel laugh as he adjusted the red tube-top, sliding his hand seductively down his chest, stomach and side.

Hide only gaped at the younger mech. Starscream blew him a kiss before sauntering out the door, giving Hide a nice view of his-

BAD HIDE! BAD! BAD! NO BISCUT!

Hide collapsed onto the bed, covering his face.

Dear Primus, he was going to the pit…


	3. Chapter 3

Frenzy and Keller

*

Keller awoke the next morning with the worst hangover ever, his eyes shut tight and his face twisting into an expression of annoyance. Damn alcohol… Damn it all to-

Frenzy made a click of content as he cuddled against Keller, curling his arms and legs possessively around the old SOD. It wasn't that Fenzy wasn't cute, the silver hair was long and spiked oddly around his head, falling into gray eyes. It was just that this was the hacker that had hacked the government and almost killed him at one point in their lives.

Another noise escaped Frenzy when Keller tried to get out of his grip and his embrace only tightened, as if Keller were a large teddy bear he was unwilling to relinquish.

What the fuck had he done to deserve this?!

If there was a higher diety, he or she was probably sitting with a beer and laughing at him. Keller froze as Frenzy snuggled so close he seemed to be threatened with becoming a part of Keller's side. If there was a god, he hated John Keller with a passion.


	4. Chapter 4

Soundwave and Jazz

~*~

In the short amount of time Soundwave had been on earth he had become enthralled with two things: Music and Jazz.

Jazz was unique amongst the others, his dark skin, optimistic behavior and playful nature rivaled that of the young sparklings amongst the ranks. Jazz also shared Wave's love for music, which was why he had been chosen to be the DJ for the Christmas party that Mikela and Sam had decided to throw for their robotic friends and ex-enemies.

Which explained why Sounwave was standing next to Jazz, asking random questions about pieces of equipment, certain songs and just the others in general. Jazz apparently had the scoop on everyone's lovelife.

"… Oh yeah, and Scorponk is Optimus' boyfriend, so ya might wanna to keep away from 'im, ya know- of course- dat Megatron and Winnifred are bondmates so any moves put on either of dem will result in instant pain- of da slow and sadistic type."

"I like slow..." Soundwave's monotone hid the hunger leaking into his circuts well, Soundwave watching as Jazz leaned over the table to grab a certain CD, oblivious to Wave's comment. He was also oblivious to the eyes staring at his ass. Sound wave made an appreciative sound as he gazed down at the black pants Jazz was wearing, wondering what they would look like on the floor of his quarters.

"Eh, da party's windin' down so I dink I can jus' put dis prearrange CD on and get away with- Ah-ha!" Jazz gasped as Soundwave grabbed his waist and flipped him around so that he was facing Wave, the two men staring at each other.

"Shut up." Wave mumbled before diving and planting a firm kiss on Jazz's lips. Jazz stiffened then moaned, his fingers moving to lace with Soundwave's bright blue hair. Sound wave moaned as Jazz's other hand slid down his chest and stomach to just barely rush his-

Sound wave broke the kiss, despite the fact that Jazz was still holding his head in a death grip.

"You really want everyone to see this?" He asked, his voice deep and husky with need as his hips rocked against Jazz's hand. Jazz made a whine of protest as Soundwave pulled away before beginning to walk towards their rooms. They made it out to the hall before Jazz slammed the larger male against a wall and kissed him, those expert hands unbuckling his belt to slide his hands into his pants and-

"PRIMUS!" Soundwave bit back another shout as Jazz… Did SOMETHING! Soundwave still wasn't used to the human body and he had definitely NOT experienced something like this before. Jazz pulled one hand out to grope around for a doorknob to one of the offices. Upon finding one he opened the door and dragged Soundwave in, both of them falling in as Soundwave tugged at Jazz's pants, managing to get the piece of infuriating clothing down to Jazz's thighs before being stopped by a loud moan coming from his vocals. Jazz had pulled his mouth away from Soundwave's and was now doing more… interesting activities. Soundwave barely registered Jazz's mouth sucking on the hard flesh of his cock as pleasure clouded his normally logical mind. Jazz chuckled as hips bucked beneath the assault and Soundwave moaning his name.

"Unnngghh… Jazz!" Soundwave's voice was an octive higher as he whined his lover's name, fingers grasping at the deep brown dreadlocks on Jazz's head. Jazz smirked, looking up at Soundwave as he licked the tip of the larger male's cock, causing Wave's last restraint to break as he let out a loud groan of release. Cum dribbled down Jazz's chin as he swallowed the bitter, vile liquid, moving to let his hips sway above Soundwave's as he straddled the larger man.

"How's dat to ya?" Soundwave responded by grabbing the smaller male and kissing him passionately, tearing at the clothing on Jazz's body, his hands moving to touch and stroke everything within reach. "Oooohhh… Ah-ha! Wave!"

"Jazz…" Soundwave rocked his hips against the autobot's pressing their bodies closer together. "Mmm… Jaaaaazzzzzzz…" He moved his hips a certain way and Jazz let out a noise that could only be described as a squeal. Soundwave blinked before smirking. "God, you're a bitch."

Jazz laughed at that before his eyes clouded over and he moaned, bucking against the finger being forced into his entrance. Soundwave worked his finger in and out before adding a second, watching Jazz's reaction. Jazz panted as he bucked onto the digits, leaning forward to kiss Soundwave roughly.

"Ride 'em, cowboy…" Soundwave's eyes widened as Jazz grabbed his cock and squeezed, causing the decepticon to growl and pick Jazz up, turning to slam the smaller male into the desk, removing both their pants the rest of the way and slamming his hips against Jazz's. Jazz moaned loudly, tensing at the invasion before relaxing, looking up at Soundwave. The man looked like he had died and gone to cloud number nine, red eyes dialated and lips parted in utter bliss. Jazz could tell that this was the poor man's first time having sex the human way, so he helped him along, rocking his hips back and forth to start a rhythm. Soundwave soon began to keep up the tempo, sliding his cock in and out of Jazz, causing the male to moan softly.

"Wave…" Soundwave nodded, burying his face in Jazz's hair, taking a deep breath. "Primus, WAVE!"

Jazz came, his semen coating their fronts as Soundwave came soon after, the hot liquid filling Jazz. Jazz moaned, looking around them for the first time.

"You know." He began conversationally. "I wonder what the president would say if he knew what we were using the oval office for…"


	5. Chapter 5

Ratchet and Simmons

~*~

Okay, I warn you: This is NOT for the faint of heart.

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I'm serious, this is graphic stuff!

Read at your own risk.

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Ratchet and Simmons went to the Christmas party, got drunk, had sex and regretted it all in the morning.

*

AN: I had a bad dream last night. It concerned these two. Now I am afraid to write this chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

Optimus and Scorponk

~*~

Optimus smiled as Scorponk jabbered on and on and on. The little scorpion drone had recently been taught to read, which hadn't been part of his programming, and had just devoured every book shoved his way. While this was a good thing, it left Optimus struggling to understand the odd way that his boyfriend spoke, especially when he did so rapidly. Currently he was talking about a book of poetry he had taken much interest in. From what Optimus had seen of it, it was about three inches thick and had print too small for a human without glasses to read. Scorponk had finished it within four hours. Apparently the alcohol someone had slipped into the punch and eggnog had begun to take its toll on the drone and he had shifted from poetry begging Optimus to dance with him as he watched Devastator and Maggie take to the floor. Despite it being a Christmas party, the music was loud, pulsing and energetic, changing from wild to seductive in a heartbeat.

Jazz had really outdone himself this time. Speak of the devil… Jazz was sitting at the tables that had been set up for the DJ, Soundwave leaning over to watch the black-skinned autobot. Jazz leaned over to grab something across the table and Wave gave an appreciative glance at Jazz's ass. Oh they were so going to sleep together. Optimus nudged Scorponk, breaking the boy's wistful gaze from Maggie, the blonde now dancing with her arms over Devastator's shoulders, the hacker smirking seductively up at the shock trooper. It would seem that being human themselves now, the Decepticons had simply given up the idea of killing the humans and had even embraced the fact that they too were not organics.

Scorponk and Optimus walked over to the dance floor, Optimus placing his hands on Scorponk's hips as the smaller male wrapped an arm around Optimus' neck, his connected hands resting over the larger male's spark. Scorponk sighed as he and his boyfriend danced, closing his golden eyes. Optimus looked down at his mate, smiling sadly at the blonde head. Not that Scorponk wasn't attractive as a blonde, it was just that he wished Ironhide hadn't caused Scorponk's beautiful black hair to be shocked so.

Scorponk suddenly leaned up to kiss his boyfriend, causing Optimus to blink before returning the gesture, slowly drawing it out as their lips slid against one another's.

*

In all honesty, Optimus didn't know HOW they got to where they were. One moment they were kissing on the dance floor at the party, the next Optimus was straddling Scorponk, naked bodies writhing in ecstasy as they kissed and touched one another. Scorponk moaned as Optimus slid a hand down his spine, tracing the vertebrae as the drone writhed. Optimus took a moment to just stare at Scorponk, taking in the curve of his body, the childish features and the lust-clouded eyes. Despite himself, Optimus couldn't help but think that Scorponk looked far more debauched than he should have, skin covered in sweat, lips parted in a pant, practically begging to be taken advantage of…

Optimus felt himself getting even hotter as he felt Scorponk's tail-spike trailing up his spine.

"Scorponk… I don't think we should-" Sorponk leaned up and silenced his boyfriend, kissing him fiercely as he wrapped an arm and his legs around the larger male.

Truth be told, this was the farthest they had ever gone together and Optimus wasn't about to try and take advantage of the fact.

"Scorponk…" Grabbing the boy's shoulders, Optimus fended off another kiss as he stared at his lover, the boy's half-closed eyes hungry. "You're drunk, so am I. I don't think we should-"

"Scorponk want Optimus-bot…" Scorponk cut his lover off, the whisper so close to Optimus' ear that the hot breath accompanying it made Optimus shiver. "Want to touch… Feel…" Scorponk's hand snaked down Optimus' torso and stomach to just barely brush the tip of his-

Optimus grabbed the wandering hand , Scorponk giving a whine of protest.

"Sc-scorponk, I don't think that we should… We're not mates and I'm old enough to e your creator and-"

Scorponk sighed as he hugged Optimus, knowing full well what his boyfriend was trying to get across. Optimus was more scared of taking that step than Scorponk was, and th dron had a feeling it had to do with a word that started with G and ended in UILT.

Oh well, Scorponk was patient.

He could wait.


End file.
